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PSF  >  Creative  >  Authors  >  Topic: Rose Fever (F) 0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic. « previous next »
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Author Topic: Rose Fever (F)  (Read 390 times)
Grapefoot
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« on: 2018-06-12 17:57:24 »



Hope you enjoy my latest story.  If it is well liked, it can be continued. CLICK HERE

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In a swift motion she spun around and shot her face down as a resounding explosion of air boomed from her nose and mouth. 
   “Heeeaaiiiisssccchoooo!” 
   The mare dabbed her quivering nose with a tissue as she opened her eyes.  Before her was a certain turquoise colored unicorn. 
   “Bless you, Roseluck!  Are you sure you're going to be okay today?  It sounds like you have a pretty nasty cold.”  The turquoise mare smiled warmly with a genuine smile but with concern in her brow. 
   Roseluck sniffled once again as she tried to clear her throat.
   “I'll be fine.”  She mustered out weakly.   
   Lyra accepted the answer as she spun around and turned towards the door.
   “Well if you need anything, I will be next door helping at the bakery.  Remember, I do know how to wrap flowers if you want to go home.  I can cover for you.”
   Roseluck appreciated the kindness as a weak smirk appeared on her face. She turned to the side to cough and weakly responded, “Thanks, Lyra.  But I'b got this.  I cabe rund bi store.  All I hev to do is make it through tohday and then it's the weekedd.”
   Lyra quirked her head.
   “I think I only got half of that.  Something about working today then having the weekend to recover or something?”
   The red headed mare nodded at Lyra. 
   “Okay then!” Lyra chirped with a grin as she opened the door and headed outside.  The door's bell jingled.
   
   Roseluck and Lyra were great friends.  Their friendship thrived when Bon Bon opened a sweet shop next door.  Lyra worked at the shop and would often cover for Roseluck if she was out of town or unwell.  But rarely did Roseluck miss a day of work.  She loved her flower shop and she loved to see it thrive, just like her plants.

   “Hhheeeeiiiiiisscchhooooo!”  Roseluck bent over as the sneeze rocked her curvy body.  She lazily opened her eyes as she rubbed her dripping nose with the already damp tissue.  She tossed it aside into the waste basket which was already filled with used tissues.  She pulled a clean tissue out and wiped the spray splattered onto the glass counter in front of her. 

   As she wiped, she noticed one of her marigolds inside the display counter was wilting.  She grabbed her watering can and opened the cabinet to reach the parched plant.  She couldn't quite reach it, so she got down on her knees and squeezed into the tight counter space.  With her whole body in and only her rump sticking out, it made for a silly image. As she was doing so, her nose decided to not play nice.  A sickly tickle weaved it's way through her sinuses until it took control of her.  Roseluck wanted to pull out from under the cabinet, but the sneeze was coming too quick.  Her nostrils flared as the sneeze built up inside her.

   “Huhhhh...”  She lifted her head, but in the cramped cabinet, there was no where else to go. “Huhhhh...” Her nostrils lived up to her name in their color. Rose.  “Heehhhh...”  Her chest puffed up against the marigold as she was just about to let go.  She tried to hold it in, but she was shaking and quivering.  Her rump sticking out from the cabinet and inside, her chest puffed up ready to release air.  It was an awkward position.

   “AAASSHHHHOOOOOOOOOOoooo”  She flung upward and back rocking the whole cabinet and knocking over several plants in the display cabinet.  The spray from the sneeze splattered all over the glass before her.

   Roseluck flopped back on her rump and sat there as she shook her head.  All of a sudden, the door jingle rang. 

   “Oh no!”  She rubbed her nose quickly and realized the horrible mess she had left in the front counter display.  Not only were the plants knocked over, but her sneeze left a nasty mist of gunk all over the glass.  She peered over the glass counter realizing the patron hadn't turned towards her but was actually looking at a window display.

   As if a gazelle, Roseluck sprang to action grabbing a wad of tissues and quickly crawling back into the display cabinet and stretching out to wipe the glass.  Within seconds, all the plants were either placed up or pulled out to be rearranged later.  Roseluck then pulled out and popped her head up to reveal the patron standing before her.

   “Do you have any more purple orchids?”  The stallion asked as he held a box of chocolates under his arm. 

   Roseluck nodded and respectfully pointed to their location.  She didn't want to speak as she knew her voice sounded horrible.  She hoped that her pointing would be enough.  Lucky for her it was.  He smiled and nodded back as he scurried over to the orchids.
   Relieved, Roseluck wiped her forehead.  But the relief didn't last long as her nose quickly began to work up something fierce once again. The sensation grew as the sneeze built up inside her like magma in a volcano.  She quickly held her snout as the sneeze came and stifled the first sneeze. 

   “Hhmmpphhhbbfftt!”  She kept her hooves to her face as she could feel a second sneeze coming, but this one was bigger.  She didn't want to sneeze again with this patron in her store.  She looked over to see he was still perusing the plants.  She eyed her office door and slithered inside silently.  Now she could sneeze more freely in her office.

   The second sneeze came quick.  She lurched her head back, grabbed a tissue, and sneezed into it.
   “Eehhhssshhhhmmmmfffffhhhh!!!”   
   She kept the tissue in place as she sneezed again.
   “Eeeehhhttcchhhoooommpphh!”
   Holding the tissue in place, she rubbed her nose and carefully massaged inside her throbbing nostrils. She knew her nose was bright red at this point, but the light massaging felt so wonderful.  Such a relief.

   Ding! Ding! Ding!

   Roseluck's ears perked up.  It was her chime on the front desk!  She quickly checked her mirror to make sure nothing offensive was in her nose, sniffed, then made for the door. 

   As she opened it, she saw the stallion with an orchid on the counter.  He smiled as Roseluck walked towards him.
   “Will this be all?”  Roseluck whispered quietly in her clearest voice.
   “Yes please.”  The stallion said as he reached for his wallet and placed the money on the table.

   Roseluck nodded trying to hide the new burning sensation in her nose.  She needed to sneeze again, and she wasn't going to be able to hold it. 
   “Uh-huh.....I need to get some change from the b-b-b-baack room.”  Roseluck stammered as she pressed her hoof to her nose and ran back to her office. 

   The stallion just watched silently as she scurried off.

   Safe in her room, Roseluck closed the door and sneezed into her arm.
   “Aaaaeehooo!”   
   She raised her head up, her eyes glassed over as she shot back down and sneezed again into her arm.
   “Aaeeeeehhoooo!”
   After a few sniffles, she stumbled to her desk and wiped her arm down then pumped sanitizer on her hooves and arms.  Usually the smell would irritate her, but her nose was so stuffed up, she couldn't smell a thing.

   Roseluck then put on her professional face and ran out the door and came back to the counter and looked at the stallion.  He looked at the counter then at her.

   “Weren't you going to get change?”
   Roseluck paused.  Her pupils shrunk as she realized she forgot to get the change she didn't really need to get for this stallion. 
   “Uh- oops.” she said in a raspy sick, but girly tone.  “One moment please.”  Roseluck put on a nervous smile and blushed as she scurried back to her office.  She opened her desk drawer and grabbed some cash from her safe.  She spun on the tip of her hoof, let out a tiny cough, cleared her throat, and headed back out the door.

   The stallion was now casually looking at some planters hanging above the counter.  Roseluck came back and put the precise change on the counter.  She handed him a receipt and mustered out a weak, “Thank you.”

   He nodded and walked out the door.  The door bell jingled.
   Roseluck sighed a breath of relief as he left.  She almost screwed up royally many times in her first encounter of the day.  Was she going to be able to work an entire day with this dreadful cold? Got to be positive, Roseluck though.

   She bent back down to pick up her plants she had pulled out of the display counter.  As she was picking up some dwarf roses, she felt her nose tingle with an oh so familiar sensation.  She put the roses down and grabbed a nearby tissue from it's perch.  She quickly blew her nose to hopefully rid this tickle and it seemed to work, for about two seconds.  She blew again in a reserved tone, but pushing a lot of air through her nostrils.  It didn't work. 

   Roseluck turned around and looked out her store windows and saw no pony was coming in.  So she sauntered back in relief and sat down behind the front counter and let the sneeze consume her.

   It coursed through her sinuses and made her nostrils teem with a sensation only matched in bed.  Her nostrils flared small then wide as she leaned her head back against the cabinet then sneezed full force forward into her tissue. 

   "AAAAAHhheeeeessscchhhoooooo!!!!"

   The sneeze raced through her open mouth and blasted out her nostrils pushing anything in their way out. The tissue captured the brunt of the sneeze as it was already drenched.  With a quick grimace, Roseluck flung the tissue into her waste basket.

The door bell jingled.

Roseluck's eyes grew large as she knew that meant only one thing, some pony just entered her store! 
« Last Edit: 2018-06-14 20:38:47 by Grapefoot » Logged

Wolfwood
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« Reply #1 on: 2018-06-12 22:00:15 »

This is the stuff.  This right here!  I read that whole thing and was fully invested in this because of how you described things and kept it flowing.  The last paragraphs around that last big sneeze was like milk and honey!  Truly a great story and I would totally want to see this continue!  Thanks for writing this!  I just stopped everything right away and knew I had to read a new Grape story. 
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Grapefoot
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« Reply #2 on: 2018-06-13 17:23:55 »

Thank you. :)
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FoxTail
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« Reply #3 on: 2018-06-13 18:45:12 »

I cannot wait to read this. :)
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Rainberry
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« Reply #4 on: 2018-06-13 19:20:39 »

Can't wait to read it, Grape!
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System423
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« Reply #5 on: 2018-06-14 12:58:07 »

Oh fuck. A Roseluck story. I need to read this later.
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Yeah whatever, guy.
RainySunshine
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« Reply #6 on: 2018-06-14 14:19:31 »

Can't wait to read this.
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MasterXtreme
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« Reply #7 on: 2018-06-14 14:32:34 »

Nicely written story!  I found it cute and funny how she just didn't want to be seen as "sick" to customers.  She kept running to hide in the office and her little scatter-brained-ness poked in a tiny bit.  It was all really cute and made her just that much of a cuter character to me.
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System423
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« Reply #8 on: 2018-06-14 14:37:37 »

Just two tiiiiiiiny little things (real nit picky things, so don't worry):
-If not mistaken, Lyra is more mint than turquoise. I think if she were any darker she'd be turquoise.
-I usually tend to call their front legs "arms" too, although in a story I think it'd be best for them to be front legs.

Again, real nit picky stuff, just kinda throwing them out there :P

ANYWAYS:


I loved this. Holy crap.

Roseluck + fighting back a cold = Best thing
Trust me, I'm an engineer major, I know math sort of. This is the first thing they teach sort of.

The scene with Lily was kinda random, but a nice touch. I wish we could have seen a bit more of her perspective. Although I guess that would kind of take attention away from Roseluck if too focused on Lily.
This was great, though! Very cute!
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Yeah whatever, guy.
MasterXtreme
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« Reply #9 on: 2018-06-14 15:06:08 »

The scene with Lily was kinda random, but a nice touch.

Do you mean Lyra?

Because I would like to see more of Lyra.  It was a nice touch to have her being so nice and caring at the beginning, but as it is, she didn't have much of a purpose... unless this is planned to have more parts of the story revealed. :)
« Last Edit: 2018-06-14 15:10:29 by MasterXtreme » Logged
System423
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« Reply #10 on: 2018-06-14 19:51:45 »

No, I meant Lily. Yes, she works with Roseluck, but to have it focus on Rose and then cut to Lily was random.
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Yeah whatever, guy.
Grapefoot
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« Reply #11 on: 2018-06-14 20:37:37 »

Oh no!  Where did I cut to Lily?  Did I accidentally put her name in here?  She was never supposed to be in the story! 

EDIT: I found it.  That was MY mistake.  It was supposed to be Roseluck.  No idea why I put Lily in there.
« Last Edit: 2018-06-14 20:38:16 by Grapefoot » Logged

Silverwing
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« Reply #12 on: 2018-06-14 20:46:36 »

This was great.  I love how you described pretty much everything, but it was PERFECT in the last section with you describing her sneeze build up and how it took control of her.  You seemed to cut back on describing build up a bit in this story compared to your usual style, but it was good and pretty fast paced.  I think Rose was adorable in this and I love how you wrote it.  Great job on this sneezy tale!
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MasterXtreme
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« Reply #13 on: 2018-06-14 21:14:56 »

No, I meant Lily. Yes, she works with Roseluck, but to have it focus on Rose and then cut to Lily was random.

That was MY mistake.  It was supposed to be Roseluck.  No idea why I put Lily in there.

Good eye!  I didn't even realize it switched to Lily by accident.  I just read it all as Roseluck the entire time.  Nice, Miggs.
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Viola The Raccoon
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« Reply #14 on: 2018-06-21 08:41:20 »

Your quite the writer, I'll say! I just love how you got to the point when it came to the hiding and sneezing, you really know how to please a crowd. xD Glad to tell a fellow writer how great their doing!
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I'll take a sneezefic, and WRITE IT!
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