The silliest Amazon review I have ever said... because it's true and very sad.
Source"I bought the Pure Zone 3-in-1 True HEPA Air Purifier on a wing and a prayer. You see, my dog Hildago, a 9-year old Irish Setter has canine IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome). The origins of the IBS are unknown, however, as a treat on his 3rd birthday my wife fed Hildago a carne asada breakfast burrito and he has never been the same since. This is not an indictment on my wife's cooking, she's 5-star, and could be featured on the Food Network if she did not lose an eye in Desert Storm (not THE Desert Storm - she was caught in a desert storm in the Mojave and sand blew into her left eye causing permanent damage leading to blindness). I digress.
Okay, so since the CAI (carne asada incident) Hildago has been afflicted with Canine IBS. I don't have all day, so I'll just say that Hildago breaks wind about every third step that he takes. Step-Step-Step-Fart. Repeat, all day, every day, for the past 6 years. Unfortunately for my wife and I, Hildago's flatulence has gotten us thrown out of 2 leased apartments and permanently banned from my parent's country club. The last incident was very unfortunate as the Club President publicly shamed my parents at the season-ending fundraiser supporting kids exposed to gang violence.
The problem is Hildago's flatulance has permeated everything in our apartment. Our clothes, our shoes, my wife's collection of those tiny russian wooden dolls where there's a big one and inside is a smaller one and then inside that one is an even smaller one. It has gotten so bad that my wife and I both have problems breathing and both find our eyes watering pretty much from the second we step foot in our 180 sq. foot apartment. If you can close your eyes and imagine a room filled to the ceiling with 30 day old deer meat and the temperature in that room is a balmy 89 degrees Farenheit, you can begin to imagine what our apartment smells like.
Long story short, we received a violation later from the Condominium Association concerning the smell coming from our studio apartment. If we did not remediate the smell within seven days, we would be fine $1,000 and forced to move. This would be a terrible situation, because the apartment is in my parent's name and my parents are currently in Japan on a "self-discovery" vacation (I don't know what that is either).
So, I buy the Pure Air Purifier to try and get the smell out of our apartment. I am excited when I receive the box - I love boxes and this one was particularly symmetrical. The assembly is very easy, basically you pull it out of the box, pull out the filter from the little plastic door, remove the plastic from the filter, put the filter back in, close the door, plug in the machine and start it up.
The look of the machine is also very appealing (see picture). My wife said that if you draw some eyes on it, it would make an adorable star of the next Pixar film. I agreed, so we ended up naming our filter "Pixar" and immediately fell in love.
We turned it on with high hopes. Pixar purred like a Norwegian Forest Cat romping through a field of fresh cut lavender. The sound was nearly euphoric, so much so that I recorded the sound on my iPhone 4 and made it my ringtone.
But, this is where the love story ends. The manual says that it can purify air up to 200 square feet. This might be true if they are measuring by Tinkerbell's feet or the feet of a millipede. We left Pixar on for 3 days straight, but unfortunately, it was no match for Hildago's gas. If anything, the smell got worse and my eye's started watering so badly that I needed to be checked out for dehydration.
I wanted to love this product, it has a killer bod and a voice so sweet Randy Jackson would probably sign it tomorrow to a recording contract. However, because it couldn't get rid of the smell, I am sitting in a vacant apartment, bags packed, surrounding by boxes (which I love!) and ready to be evicted from my third apartment.
If you read this far and wonder why we keep Hildago it's because you don't give up on a pet, EVER, even if that pet has terrible IBS."
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