I need emotional help 😔 pls read

[N@ndo]

Hi guys, I promised I wouldn't say bad news here, but I can't confine it in my chest any longer, and I hope I can trust you guys.

I couldn't join the sneeze appreciation day event or done any real update because in that same day, my electric meter burned and melted, making me endure 11 days in the dark. But that ain't the reason for this thread (although it made my emotional in scrambles).

Today I got a fan art of Pepper Puff on FA, and it was amazing, less than one day getting a fanart from an amazing sneeze artist!! But at the same time I was flattened and honored, I was feeling really bad about myself. I was envious of that artist, their perfect anatomy and sexy ideas I wish I was able to draw but as being away from the sneeze community for years, I couldn't do. And now there are "artistic gods", and I got a bit of "mana". @Blurr helped me to keep my foot down, to breathe and such, but the problem persists: I just can't see other artists' artworks without feeling like a complete piece of shit, a horrible person who doesn't deserve any sunlight and quit, because what's the point of keeping going on?...

"The world don't need my art, there's all these gods who chats with each other and makes trades and gifts and laughs on discord and plays together... and who am I? A lonely envious person, who happens to be able to draw quite good."     That's the real reason I left the red forum and stayed away from here: I feel like a PTSD trigger when I see others artworks, and when the red forum turned toxic and elitist, I left for good, while I stayed away from here, because I didn't want to be a burden to you amazing friendly guys.

I have a lot of projects in mind for my OCs like making 'em sneeze mascots, with Pepper Puff being always challenged or in funny situations with other's OCs, and Curtain Call with their magic tricks on show, calling somebody's OC from the audience for a prank. Maybe they could enter in the hall of PSF Official OCs, maybe. But... if I can't handle the emotions if seeing a fanart of my own OC, which I'd LOVE to get more, how can I continue?...

Therapy doesn't work; I've been doing it since 2015, multiple doctors, only made things a bit better, as now I have dreams and I'm working towards them, but the emotional pain persists. The only thing that soothes is calming pills (I'm on two right now). But the reminder of everybody else having fun and I'm being incapacitated of joining you guys for the depression and suicidal thoughts (they've stopped for now), and I'm being unable to open somebody's art topic and comment on how amazing it is... t's.... sigh.... I don't even know how to explain.... how can I be social if I can't see other's artworks?.... 

I wouldn't be posting this topic if I weren't 100% sure of the warm friendliness of everybody here, I wish I can have enough power to give everybody gifts and do art trades (or some mischievous magic tricks), it's just.... It's just an artist could understand and maybe give some help...
(sorry for any typos, I'm on calming pills right now and typing on the phone)

[Sniffles]

It takes a lot of courage to post this and I cannot promise my response will be of much help.  But I think positively you are least are aware of the issue.  Somehow you have to solve what is triggering these thoughts and emotions and tell them they are no good.  They don't help you and they don't help you grow as a person.  In fact, they are limiting you and holding you back. 

You see all the wonderful comments on your art and you as a person.  You know people love your work.  They only person who seems to be against your art is yourself.  I don't have the answer, but you somehow have to figure out how to stop being so hard on yourself.  Everyone has different drawing styles.  If you view a 'style' as 'skill' you are viewing it wrong.  We're all here to have fun and clearly no one here cares or even mentions skill.  We don't even see it.  Instead we build people up to help them grow because we appreciate all styles!  We love the unique things everyone makes because they ARE unique.  They are one of a kind.  Just like you.

I don't know your full history, but I know you've come and gone before.  I've read your comments about wanting to branch out to other forums and websites and I must admit, I was worried about those decisions.  Maybe I should have spoken up.  Maybe it was too much too fast, branching out to places you didn't need to go to yet.  Maybe focus on one community and work on your emotional troubles with a group you trust and can confide in? 

[MasterXtreme]

We got your back for as much as people online can do.  We're not experts, so don't expect award winning advice, but there might be snippets of things that are useful to you. 

You've been down this road before and you know it's detrimental to you because it keeps you away from others.  I've seen you thrive and have so much fun when you share your art and communicate with people.  You seem like you are happy and in your element.  I have to agree with Sniffles in that you should start small.  Maybe not broadcast your art to everyone.  Maybe focus on a small group.  Prior you have shared with Blurr, then you worked your way to PSF and shared here.  Maybe smaller groups is better for you to start? 

You did jump up pretty quickly to other websites and maybe that isn't what you need to start with. 

Another thing, I know it is easy for me to say, but you shouldn't compare yourself to others.  You can look at all the artists here and they all are different.  Some prefer to draw certain things and have different styles, but none compare themselves to each other and nor do the posters who view it.  (Seriously, you can read all the posts and I am confident in saying you want see people comparing artists).  If you see a particular thing an artist does you enjoy, you shouldn't feel lesser about yourself, you can try to implement or learn from what you like.  All of us take inspiration from various things and artists, it's how we grow as artists.  It's what makes us all unique.  We take bits of things we like from some artists and leave out other things. 

You know what triggers your emotional issue here, and you are aware of it.  Now it's time to take control of the situation and build yourself up, not tear yourself emotionally apart. Only you can do that, but we can support you.

[Rainberry]

In your topic when saying you were rebranding and moving to FurAffinity, you can see the positively as well as maybe some of the cautious optimism of people.  Your announcement of branching out did seem pretty quick and maybe you weren't quite ready for that step yet?  I don't know personally, but only you do. But based on the comments, people care about YOU and not just your art.  PSF is different then most places in that the person's health and well-being is top priority and I see it in the comments.  @Silverwing's comment is especially telling, as he seemed to know that going out into the broad internet world could be risky.

Get that rest you need and take care.

Take it easy, don't worry about art.  You don't exist to provide us or anyone art.   We enjoy YOU for being you.

Good luck on that rebrand elsewhere. Just be warned the outside world (of PSF) can be very critical and harsh and there are a few people to avoid when taking commissions.

I could keep finding positive comments on your art topics as well.  People always concerned for your well-being over your art.  We love your art, but we love you too and we want you to be healthy and happy.     

I don't have much more to add that hasn't been said above.  I don't know if I could say it as well as them.  But I figured showing you some comments straight from community members to you would help some.  They were wary about it then, and just two weeks later you're already struggling.  I'd say start small and slowly branch out if that is what you want to do.

Many artists here confine soley to PSF and are happy with it.  No matter what, you can see we're here for you.  The comments are just one bit of evidence of that. 

[N@ndo]

@Sniffles , @MasterXtreme and @Rainberry , you guys/girls are 100% right. I really did jump up to FurAffinity, even with some wary about my mental situation when I do it. I guess I wasn't ready to do the jump. I know what triggers me, I'm completely aware of that, it's just.... frustrating. Why can't I be like them? Not for the art, but on the social.

Yes, now I can see I was doing things really fast, in a pace that I wasn't able to endure. Increasing my coping mechanisms in a small friendly group was the solution, and I was really happy with it, a the point of building ideas and plans and such. I am not ready to go to the wild, but that step was already done, I can't delete my FA account. But what I can do is to keep my healing soul here with you guys.

Thanks for your kind comments. ❤❤

[Smiles2us]

@Sniffles , @MasterXtreme and @Rainberry , you guys/girls are 100% right. I really did jump up to FurAffinity, even with some wary about my mental situation when I do it. I guess I wasn't ready to do the jump. I know what triggers me, I'm completely aware of that, it's just.... frustrating. Why can't I be like them? Not for the art, but on the social.

Yes, now I can see I was doing things really fast, in a pace that I wasn't able to endure. Increasing my coping mechanisms in a small friendly group was the solution, and I was really happy with it, a the point of building ideas and plans and such. I am not ready to go to the wild, but that step was already done, I can't delete my FA account. But what I can do is to keep my healing soul here with you guys.

Thanks for your kind comments. ❤❤

Keepign the FA account there, but inactive is one thing you can do. If the FA account is a nagging temptation that continues to drag you down, you can remove it though.  I don't know if you feel an urge to visit, see more art, and it further drags you down.  We don't want that.

I cannot say what FA has done, but I am sure reactions here and there have all been positive about seeing you.  You know people enjoy you. There's just something such as an unsuperiority complex you have for some reason of another.  You feel you aren't as good for some reason, but don't realize that simply isn't true.  People are loving what you create, and the only person who doesn't is you when you look at others art.  You somehow have isolate the known problem and tell yourself that it's wrong.  What you're thinking isn't true.  Their art is not 'god' status.  Everyone's art is different and good for different reasons.

Start small, slowly build yourself up. I don't really have much to add that hasn't been said.  We'll support you as long as we can.

[Wolfwood]

Well this is unfortunate to have to go through.  I'm sorry you're dealing with this.   But as others have points out, you know what the problems is.  You somehow have to break the barrier and overcome.  Having a good support group around you, keeping you on the right path, encouraging you, might be part of that solution.

[N@ndo]

@Sniffles , @MasterXtreme and @Rainberry , you guys/girls are 100% right. I really did jump up to FurAffinity, even with some wary about my mental situation when I do it. I guess I wasn't ready to do the jump. I know what triggers me, I'm completely aware of that, it's just.... frustrating. Why can't I be like them? Not for the art, but on the social.

Yes, now I can see I was doing things really fast, in a pace that I wasn't able to endure. Increasing my coping mechanisms in a small friendly group was the solution, and I was really happy with it, a the point of building ideas and plans and such. I am not ready to go to the wild, but that step was already done, I can't delete my FA account. But what I can do is to keep my healing soul here with you guys.

Thanks for your kind comments. ❤❤

Keepign the FA account there, but inactive is one thing you can do. If the FA account is a nagging temptation that continues to drag you down, you can remove it though.  I don't know if you feel an urge to visit, see more art, and it further drags you down.  We don't want that.

I cannot say what FA has done, but I am sure reactions here and there have all been positive about seeing you.  You know people enjoy you. There's just something such as an unsuperiority complex you have for some reason of another.  You feel you aren't as good for some reason, but don't realize that simply isn't true.  People are loving what you create, and the only person who doesn't is you when you look at others art.  You somehow have isolate the known problem and tell yourself that it's wrong.  What you're thinking isn't true.  Their art is not 'god' status.  Everyone's art is different and good for different reasons.

Start small, slowly build yourself up. I don't really have much to add that hasn't been said.  We'll support you as long as we can.

Yes, I have the urge to visit and see art, mostly when I'm horny, like a moth to a flame. Like I said, all I want is to be social and have fun and chat and draw and be like a normal artist. I'll keep my social here, while using FA just for uploads and maybe accept commissions there, like I'm doing here.

In fact, I'm two weeks late~ 

[RainySunshine]

Best of luck, but as long as you have FA, you might be tempted to see other's art and get upset.  Just be careful.

[Soda]

As long as you need moral support, we'll be here.  I'll here.  I see others have already given thoughtful responses. 

[FoxTail]

If there is ways we can help you emotionally, please let us know.  Just know that PSF members have your back though.  We're here and we look out for our members.

[kiku]

@N@ndo , everybody here has already written very wise things, so I don't have much to add. I just want you to know I really enjoy your art, and I care for you as a person, just like everybody here. 

Always remember:
You are unique.
Nobody draws the way you do.
Nobody writes the way you do.
Nobody smiles the way you do.
You are you.

 

[Graymist]

We're all here to support you as everyone says.  There aren't many places like this where people truly do care and support each other.    I enjoy your company here and I enjoy your art.  You're very talented and you're the only one who doesn't accept that.   You're stuff is great! No one draws like you do and that is special. We're all unique in how we draw and who we are.  It's what makes things so special.

[Silverwing]

If you need further support, I'm around too.  This is all very difficult stuff, but if you set some goals that are attainable, I think you'll be fine here.

[Anyponedrawn]

Just thought I'd post a check in.  Are you doing ok?