(re-reading post)
Young
lady. Oh hell... Freudian slip, my old friend.

Although, I think it could work if I sought a reputable organization to arrange her hire... I'd have quite a bit for her to do.
SOME WISEGIRL IN THE BACK OF THE ROOM: Oh, I'll just
bet....!
The old farts club?
Oooohhh, burn. 
If your farts burn, change your diet and consult a physician.
I think I'd much rather be a part of the Old Fart's Club. OFC.... They probably even have like a buffet.
Daily. With dessert, salad, and pasta bar. Plus taco pie for brunch every Saturday. Steak and quail served on special occasions.